Tiffanny Junee

Consciously or subconsciously, throughout her life, a woman requires a man for different reasons.

The same can be said for men, although even the most feminist of men will wrongly assume he is wanted for one of two things: his money or his sperm.

However, a man who is gentle with himself as well as others, is the rarest of delights.

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while now as time after time, I watch my 40 and 50 something male friends – some of whom have never married and some who complete the recently to long time divorce spectrum – still approaching their friendships with women as though they are being looked at as ‘the one’.

Wonderful, kind albeit often times self absorbed and slightly narcissistic friends, twisting themselves into knots rather than admit they are looking for companionship and sex – not another soon to be ex-wife or batshit crazy girlfriend who will break their heart – again!

Smart, capable men perpetuating the stereotype of man as provider, the woman in need of a man – front and centre in their search to rescue the perfect woman rather than admit they’re the ones who’s flailing in his search for ‘happy’.

It’s all so 1950’s and yet in 2022 the middle age mindset appears to have a lot in common with Beaver’s dad.

Not all men are gentlemen and not all gentlemen are gentle men… especially when they interact with themselves and socially and sexually with women.

Just like women, as men mature, so do their insecurities about self, body image and ability, not to mention their dread about being everyone’s ATM.

More often than not, capable, kind and good men not yet sitting comfortably in their own sense of ‘happy’ and ‘content’, will project their fears onto the intentions of the women they meet, rather than take the time to self reflect, correct and grow.

Gentlemen: if a woman is a mother and she is bruised by the beastly process of divorce, the last thing she is looking for is a man to look after her, be her boyfriend or to support her financially. 

Heck, she’s just shed the shackles of servitude and for the first time in years has regained control over her thoughts, fears and finances, not to mention her hopes and dreams.

Rest assured, she’s forward planning, but you’d be foolish to think she’s looking to you as her ’solution’.

Her primary concern is her happiness in so far as she sustains to best serve her offspring.

Her selfish isn’t thinking about herself like you might think she is.

If an independently minded woman shows interest in you she’s interested in you for one of three reasons: intellectual, social or physical stimulation.

So be gentle and kind with yourselves and rest assured, she’s not looking at you with love in her eyes.

That look she’s giving you is genuine interest for the purposes of intellectual discussions, making her world a better place through kind and interesting social engagements or for sexual satisfaction.

If the idea of any of that makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you’re not the feminist you thought you were, Mr Beaver…

Or maybe you’ve just been reminded you’ve lost your confidence to navigate the social space where intimacy was traditionally teased through courting not stated plainly and then actioned.

Creating the environment to rediscover the confidence – hers and yours – to be yourself in each and every scenario – is a super power to nurture.

It’s also why a gentle man is a woman’s true delight.

So gentlemen… relax! She knows you’re not perfect … and she’s acutely aware neither is she 🙂

So lead with kindness firstly with yourself and then with each other in every situation.

At worst, it’ll put a smile on both your dials 🙂