I just found this in the archives and rediscovered the joys of the telecommunications disconnect between hardware and the Australian data service network…

So imagine my surprise when wrapped up in all white – looking pretty schmiko too – I am unceremoniously thrown into a cardboard box and thrown about in the back of a van before being left on a chilly doorstep.

Finally, placed on a busy kitchen bench I eagerly await the arrival of my new designated owner.

It’s 4pm and still no sign of those noisy little people, so icons crossed, I haven’t arrived in one of those loud, busy and complex houses with kids.

Three hours later, I light up (internally for the moment) with joy as I hear:

“Tiff, There’s a package for you on the bench”.

First, I hear the eager tear of cardboard before finally being wrapped adoringly in the warm embrace of a delicate hand’s caress and loving platitudes of ‘Awesome’.

Seventy-two hours later however, things have turned pear-shaped and I have gone from being the adored iPhone4 to Bert.

Why Bert, I hear you ask…?

Because for the past 72 hours whenever Tiff has asked me to do something that actually requires using the cellular data network, 9 times out of 10, I can’t help but roll my icons sideways.

She hasn’t found my voice control function yet.

I try to communicate as best as my interface will allow, to let her know that I know what she wants me to do and where she wants to go… BERT NO SERVICE!

If only humans spoke iPhone…

By Tiffanny Junee

Tiffanny has a background in strategic integrated marketing and media communications. Her most recent projects include: Digital Media Academy - a 24/7 personal digital mentor @home @work @school @play Our School Online - a social justice start up embedding equity into the new NSW curriculum. Tiffanny lectures in Social Marketing, Crisis Communications, Social Issues Marketing and Leadership Communications @SydneyUni. A former editor and rugby union journalist, Tiffanny is always writing. Her current multi-platform projects include Australian-based generational thriller 'The Point' (think Thorn birds meets Mission Impossible).